Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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