so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
