I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
