Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
