remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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