I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He passed out mid-signature
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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