They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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