yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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