I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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