The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
