All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
