i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
