Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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