I wanna bring you to show and tell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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