somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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