I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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