just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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