I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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