Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
