she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
