i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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