Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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