We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
