you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
