There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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