At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You did what with his pubic hair?
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