just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
