; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
