A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
