You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
