i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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