I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
