I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
