its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
