My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
