The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
