Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
