At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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