It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
