While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
