Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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