how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
