Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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