So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
