Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
