420 ftw
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
