Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
