just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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