The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
