You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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