I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
