I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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