Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
