Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
